"We Don't Get No Respect!"

In a United Nations poll of young people in 17 nations in the Asia-Pacific region, conducted a few years ago, South Korean youths ranked last in showing respect for the elderly. The result of the poll, I remember, came as a big surprise to many in Korea that is more Confucian than China where Confucius was born and taught some 2,500 years ago.

South Korea was said to be just about the only country in the world where many people were following Confucian teachings, one of which is respect the elderly.

Korean educators and civic and religious leaders moaned and groaned over the finding and, as expected, blamed the elderly for letting down the younger generation and failing to earn their respect.

And, indeed, if young people are contemptuous of the elderly, or at least cannot respect them, they have good reasons, I believe.

The nation's politicians, divided into two groups, fight day in and day out, like a bunch of gangsters, while letting national administration and the economy go down the drain; many people, including businessmen, demonstrating their limitless greed, are out to cheat or extort money from the next guy to gain a few measly won; and last but not the least, most grown-ups violate the law routinely and without the slighrest heistation while their children look on.

Nearer to the problem that affects young people, though, let us take a look at the way we teach our childresn.

A majority of parents are said to be spending millions of won for their children's extracurricular studies in cram schools so that they can beat others into a better university. In the process, they unintentionally plant the seeds of distrust and contempt for schoolteachers in the minds of their children. The parents are, in effect, telling their childlren that their teachers at school are not good enough.

While we are doing this, then, how can we turn around the ask our chilldren to respect their elders in general and teachers in particular?

A great irony, however, lies in the fact that we, grown-ups, are doing all these things for the well being of our own children and grandchildren, and yet, these are precisely the things that cause us to lose respect in the eyes of the young.

But a more serious problem is the anachronistic--and to a large extent, irrelevant--Confucian idea that young people should respect the elderly blindly. Respect, needless to say, is something that everyone should earn by behaving correctly in public and living a respectable life. To put it another way, just because one is old, one cannot and should not expect the young to respect him or her. For as someone once said, "Wisdom does not always come with age. Sometimes, age comes by itself."

Nevertheless, our customs and tradition, formed by Confucianism over centuries, still demand that the young treat the old with respect. The Korean language, which we use to form our thoughts and communicate with each other, also forces us to show respect for the elderly: we have to use the honorific form when we address someone older than us.

Incidentally, I have seen some old people demanding that the young give up their seats for them in areas other than those designated for the elderly in the subway or city buses. Of course, they have no right to do so; it is up to young people to concede their seats voluntarily out of consideration for the aged and weak.

This demand for respect creeps into close personal relationship as well. Senior, or sonbae, as they called in Korean, at university or in the workplace, for instance, expect varying degrees of respect from their juniors, or hubae, regardless of their position or ability. This is one of the serious drawbacks in our country that is trying to become an advanced society where individual ability and drive--and not age--count.

Despite our customs and language, we are now living in a free, open and democratic society. And whether we like it or not, the attitude of young people is changing rapidly, often veerying away from traditional values, in time with worldwide trends.

Therefore, instead of shouting, "we don't get any respect any more," older people must do their part, face reality and give up the outdated notion that they deserve respect just because they are old.
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