Epithets for Old Men

        As I grow older, I become increasingly aware of the various epithets which young people use to describe old men. Some of the common ones are “touchy old man,” “cranky old man,” “dirty old man” (with a sexual connotation, no less), “silly old man,” and so on. While most of these are not flattering, they prove, I am afraid, to be accurate in some cases.

        There are a few nice descriptions for old men, of course. They include “understanding old man,” “wise old man.” And I often wonder what makes some old men “wise.” I don’t think these old men have become wise because they had many different experiences in life and have “accumulated” the wisdom learned from them or honed their senses or judgments over a long period of time.

And not all smart people become “wise” by simply having many experiences through social and personal interactions with other people. I have seen many who commit “the same old” mistakes over and over again, proving that their bitter experiences have failed to make them wise. Nor are they wise on account of the “god-given” ability to discern or assess a social situation correctly and resolve any problem or issue.

To be sure, experiences could be a factor that helps some elderly persons make wiser to some extent. But I believe that the main reason is due largely to the fact that old men—and old women, for that matter—become a little more objective than younger people in their perception of the world.

As I grow older and begin to have a vague feeling of approaching death, they forego—or rather, shed—all worldly desires such as money, power and even sex.

When one is called “a dirty old man,” he may actually be dirty physically with an accompanying bad smell. But we all know that the phrase points at a man who habitually flirts with young women shamelessly, forgetting to “act his age.” Whenever I run into such an old man, I cannot help marveling at him not only because of his brazen, often disgusting, behavior but also his courage to display his energy and sexual drive that seem to dog him even at that stage in his life.

Anyway, it is desires or greed, as I said, that cloud our thinking and perceptions of the world around us. It is because of these desires that we are unable to think clearly and objectively. And as we are gradually freed from the yoke of these desires, we are able to see the world as it really is.

Also, as we get older, we don’t need to pretend to be other than what we are. It was Somerset Maugham who said, “One of the pleasures of growing older is that on the whole, you feel no need to do what you do not like. You are less likely to care what people think of you, whereas when young, one is bound hand and foot with the shackles of public opinion.” In other words, you don’t feel the need to get the approval of your fellow men and women for what you say and what you do, your opinions and behavior begin to sound more honest and refreshing.

These, I believe, are the main reasons that the younger generation calls some old folks “wise.”

Why, then, do we hear somewhat mutually contradictory descriptions such as “cranky” or “touchy” old men? Of course, wise old men can be touchy, even despite their ability to judge most things a little more objectively; they still are emotional beings until the very moment they die.

 Old people become touchy and cranky when they feel they are being treated unjustly or even with contempt, by younger people, especially by members of their own family. But this development is inevitable because old people are relegated sooner or later to minor roles in society and in their families. They are forced to live the rest of their life on the margin, so to speak. And it is difficult for them to accept the fact, even though they know deep down, it is unavoidable.

Could those old folks be blamed for being overly sensitive over trivial issues? Not if the younger people refuse to try and understand why they are so sensitive and emotional.

It is not only difficult for an old man to give up the role he had played for years as the master of the house, it is also sad and disheartening if he feels that the love and affection of his family members are gradually waning or moving away from him.

In order to maintain “power and status,” it is said, old men should keep their money and property—they have them, of course – for themselves until they die. There are many, however, who divide their money and give it to their sons and daughters out of love and/or an effort to exercise influence over them or regain their affection.

Give most of what you have to your sons and daughters, if you want to suffer misery for the rest of your life, some people say. And whenever I hear such desperate and cynical advice, I think of King Lear.

King Lear, of course, was a great man and hence his downfall was all the more tragic and poignant, but there must be many small Lears, both in the West and East, and through the centuries, who have and are suffering awful miseries because of the old man’s folly.

I wouldn’t go so far as to describe King Lear as “a silly old man,” but there must have been—and there will continue to be—countless old men who have met a similar fate as the king in Shakespeare’s tragedy, though, no doubt, on a lesser scale.

Personally, I regret that I haven’t got much money or property to give to my family. I also regret that we, old men, are being described with so many epithets. But there is at least one redeeming description and that, as I said, is “wise old man.” And I think all of us, the old folks, should try to be just that.

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